Things for my irl peeps

This is a really tough one, both for the depressed person and the people around them. I think my suggestions fall into different categories:

1. Make life less terrible of an experience
1. Optimize sensory experiences: 🐨Softest throw blanket (that’s also big enough!), 💡Programmable lighting, create cozy places to lie down and safe places to sleep (maybe a human dog bed, maybe putting a mattress on the ground, maybe a bed tent or a bunk bed—I think twin over full is a pretty good starting place, etc.), go to a cat cafe. And invest time in figuring out what’s good and bad — maybe showers are hard and baths would work instead, maybe turning the lights out or bringing in softer lighting. a new mattress or topper? blackout blinds? curtain robot for bringing in the sunshine in the morning? a Squishmallow? food cut up with kitchen scissors instead of battling with a knife and fork? weighted blanket? quality speakers? noise cancelling headphones? Kindle? Macbook air? a mug that keeps your coffee/tea/hot cocoa warm?
2. Treat underlying issues: trauma, medical problems (even small seeming ones like mild eczema or a hidden food sensitivity can be a constant drain on your system).
2. Find things to draw out any spark of interest/caring/joy
1. planting seeds 🌱 fostering kittens 🐈 learning to identify and feed or provide water for birds in the yard 🐦‍⬛ etc. (🧶Hobbies)
3. Avoid avoidable setbacks
1. wear safety gear to prevent injuries, don’t take on a new stressful job, don’t try to reconcile with an abusive parent or ex-partner, etc.
4. Keep your body healthy and capable
1. prioritize quality sleep, eat healthy foods, do gentle movement every day (maybe tied to something like gardening or a practice like yoga), do regular blood work and dental checkups and maybe have a goal in mind like being able to be strong enough to walk along the beach or go camping or be able to play with children you care about, etc.
1. This is generally good for a lot of things, but I mention it here because it can be harder to hold on to hope for the future if your body is giving you evidence that everything is going to be really difficult, painful, embarrassing, etc.
5. Have a positive vision for the future
1. (see #4)
6. Surround the person with evidence of good things and cut the person off from evidence of bad things
1. print out pictures of people who love them
2. put true positive/inspirational things they (at least intellectually) believe in words on the wall where they can see them
3. keep their space clean and tidy (ready to host friends)
4. make sure they get hair cut and have clothes they feel good about
5. keep them off of social media and trash TV
6. watch Star Trek TNG, Ted Lasso season 1, and other wholesome entertainment like 🤗Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
7. figure out who they feel safe being real with and find ways of having regular direct contact with them (sending videos of birds at the feeder, pictures of plants and sunsets on walks, receiving pictures of people’s kids, etc.)
7. Gain a skill
1. Pottery, drawing, singing, dancing — something to build some self esteem, something to learn about/care about, ideally something that engages the mind and the body. Bonus if they end up seeing other people who are either passionate about their craft or are friendly and non-judgmental and also on a learning journey of their own. 🧶Hobbies
8. Hone the ability to introspect
1. While depression is a complicated thing, I think the badness is correlated with negative beliefs about the world and oneself and I think targeted belief change is possible, but without identifying the beliefs, you’re limited to kind of random interventions like the ones above. But if you know that you’re battling a belief about being unlovable or of not having value, you can intervene more directly with counter-evidence or gentle querying about what is supporting that negative belief.
2. I recommend two things for this, both of which are independently useful:
1. 💁🏻‍♀️KonMari The magical art of tidying up (the book, manga, or TV show are all fine introductions, but the tidying itself is what trains this skill)
2. Gendlin’s “Focusing” which is driving more directly at introspection: 🏙️Living Life Well - Learning to recognize what's going on for you
1. (you can also just practice asking yourself questions like “what’s wrong?” and letting the answer be weird/lame/unexpected. 👫Brené Brown has a “shitty first draft” concept that allows for something like this which I think is really useful for not only developing the skill, but being able to talk to others about how you’re feeling, especially in moments of friction with others.
9. Use that ability to express your feelings, tell your story (the right therapist can be hard to find, but the search is worth it), do some journaling, etc.